At first, the two concepts of ‘detachment’ and ‘relationship‘ seem to be incompatible. A tantra teacher who touches on this subject will usually hear questions such as, “How can one be detached in a relationship? Will detachment in a relationship not utterly ruin the whole thing?”
But we are not discussing typical relationships, and also not typical detachment. Spiritual detachment is the removal of hindering bonds with the material world and everything it stands for in order to glimpse and connect with the Divine. The Divine has nothing in common with the material world, which is after all our own creation. The Divine, on the other hand, has created Life itself.
Nor is a tantra relationship a ‘normal’ relationship. It is based on divine precepts – the teachings of ancient tantra as being transmitted by a tantra master. In a human relationship based on divine precepts, the material world must fade into the background. It cannot be vanquished altogether – no tantra teacher will demand such a feat from his students. But it must diminish, or else there can be no spiritual progress in the relationship.
When two people set out on the spiritual path of tantra, they make a new commitment. Their commitment now goes beyond that which they have made towards each other – it now extends to the Divine, as well. They commit to base their love for each other on spiritual principles. They pledge to open their hearts, souls and bodies to a vastly greater experience of love than they have ever known.
The fruit of the spiritual path of tantric love is not easy. At every step, people undergoing tantra for couples instructions encounter the discomfort of having to abandon their previous preconceptions about love. They learn that they are, in fact, not to be devoted to each other as much as to the tantric path.
Initially, this seems to go against most modern norms for relationships models such as marriage. The fact is, it does not. Every religion requires two people entering into matrimony to vow before God that they will cherish each other in the eyes of God. God is to be the constant witness of their fidelity, dedication to each other and efforts to meet each others’ needs. In a way, a love triangle is formed, with God as the third partner. They are not alone.
In tantra love, the tantric path requires the couple to focus on its spiritual teachings. They must cease looking only at themselves, each other and their love for each other. They learn to see each others as instruments of a higher cosmic order. Their emotional and spiritual needs must certainly be met, but they must now be met in context with this path.
This is why detachment is necessary for tantric love to flourish. Do not be afraid – you will not have to abandon each other. In fact, you are going to discover each other for the very first time. Trust your tantra master and listen carefully as he transmits this ancient knowledge to you. When you learn to love each other with spiritual detachment and your focus on a higher purpose, love will spill its banks and soar to the heavens.